Conversations with a Desi Cab Driver – Part 2

He was one of the strangest cab drivers I have encountered. He was in his 50s but thought of himself as a 20-something year old latino lover. He sported a hat and injected words like “mamasita” in the middle of every other sentence. Here’s the conversation that ensued:

Delusional Desi Driver: You beautiful lady

Me: Thanks

DDD: You should put on make-up in the morning…. Maybe pink lipstick to go with your shirt

Me (slightly amused): I am beautiful with or without make-up… how come you are an expert on make-up anyway?

DDD: I was married to American lady once. I get divorce since she want me to move to the country with her but we are still friends. She teach me about respect and hygiene. A lot of Indian lady and Pakistani lady don’t wear deodorant. You come to America. You find everything in store. Why not use it? My real estate lady wear no deodorant. She stink. I don’t like. I just sell my land on Tuesday. Here’s her picture. (he hands me a business card which contains a picture of a heavily made-up woman).

Me (not amused any longer): You trusted her to sell your land. She has to be good.

DDD: You married?

Me (definitely not amused): I don’t feel comfortable disclosing personal information

DDD: You should introduce me to Bangladeshi girl… maybe 25-30 year old……

Me (pissed off): If a 25 year old married you it would probably be for your money

(At this point I had arrived at my work)

DDD: Are you going to have coffee before you go to work? Maybe I can buy you coffee.

Me: No thanks (as I slam the door shut and march off angrily)

It wasn’t till I got on the elevator that I realized I had forgotten to pay the fare……