Sunday, July 23, 2006

Close Call

It's a pretty dark night and I am blind as a bat to begin with. A shadowy figure emerges out of the alley and starts walking behind me. The only thing I can make out is that the guy is wearing a cap and smoking a cigarette. Then I notice something suspicious - the man slows down when I slow down and quickens his pace when I speed up. I clutch my purse (which has all of one dollar and twenty five cents in it) and play out the defense strategy in my head. First I will whack the guy on the head with my cell phone. Then I will gouge his eyes out and shove my pointed shoes up his ass (or a Zidane-style head-butt could work just as well). Suddenly the shadowy figure speaks out and catches me off guard. It's a woman! She apologizes for lurking behind me and then offers the most unusual explanation, "I am delibertely not walking in front of you since I ate a lot today and have gas problems." I thanked her for being so considerate and walked away briskly.

5 comments:

Dirty Martini said...

Man you made my day!

Anonymous said...

"When nothing else subsists from the past, after the people are dead, after the things are broken and scattered· the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls bearing resiliently, on tiny and almost impalpable drops of their essence, the immense edifice of memory"

[The Remembrance of Things Past by M.P.]

Ajaira Pechal said...

I didn't anticipate my crass story to trigger such poetic prose :-)

Tania Ashraf said...

Hahahahaha!!! I'll be sure to use that excuse next time I'm stalking someone.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anon, what's up with your quote? What's that got to do with the price of tea in China? zottosob azairraa pechaal